Dear Owners of Small Dogs in Boston,

I am overwhelmed that you have decided to share your little bundle of joy with us on the Charles River bike path. In general, I find them to be very cute. You must be proud parents.

However, it has come to my attention that some of you have not yet seen the "Please keep your dog on a leash or you will be fined" sign, or you have seen it and have not yet or cannot read it, or you have read it and just don't care. I, like you, am a dog lover, but I don't think it is wise to avoid obeying the signs, especially while walking them on a bike path. While riding my bike over the past two months, I have seen numerous unleashed, small dogs and have nearly hit three of them. This is especially problematic as they are small and thus harder to differentiate from the squirrels which I intentionally try to hit. Thus, I have come up with three reasons why you should keep your dog on a leash (as if the $200 fine wasn't motivation enough):

1) Like I said, I like dogs just as much as you do and I would hate to see your precious child injured, or worse.

2) Bikes are expensive. And not to mention, I just had to replace mine less than a month ago because it was stolen by one of our unkind neighbors. I really don't want to (and can't afford to) replace it again, especially over something like hitting your dog.

3) Medical bills are expensive. That in addition to possibly not being able to compete in a half Ironman, would make for one really expensive accident.

To clarify for the first and final time, I will no longer risk my and my bike's safety to avoid hitting your dog as it is cheaper to replace your dog and I don't have to pay for it. I know you, like many others in Boston, feel like you are exempt from following most, if not all, rules, but rules are rules for a reason. If even after reading (assuming you can read) and considering (assuming you can consider) this letter, you feel like leashing your dog is just not for you, then I beg you to please walk your dog somewhere else. After all, it is a bike path, not a dog path.

Sincerely,

Baffled Boston Biker

Second Love Letter ~

Dear Lexus Owners Everywhere,

It is clear from your choice in a car and/or SUV that you have good tastes. It is also safe to assume that you are fairly successful in life and have a good deal of money. For this, I congratulate and idolize you.

However, that's about where my idolization of you stops. After too many near misses to count, I am officially calling you out. I would hate to assume that you are an arrogant, entitled asshole, but you certainly drive like one. Just because you drive an expensive car, doesn't mean you can drive recklessly. Sure, there is the occasional bad BMW driver, but it doesn't run rampant among its owners like the plague as it seems to do among Lexus owners. I would have thought that if you owned something expensive that you would treat it like it was expensive and not like you're in a demolition derby. Let me clarify that it is obvious that you are intentionally an obnoxious driver, and not just unknowingly bad like some poor, unsuspecting 16 year old. Here are three real life examples of ignorant Lexus driving, but trust me, I could easily think of 10 just from today alone:

1) I was sitting at a stop light that was legitimately taking a while to change. There was an SUV next to me and a Lexus car behind them. The light had not yet changed, but the lady in the Lexus decided she had waited too long. She floored it and ended up rear ending the SUV in front of her. Just where she thinks she was going, I will never know. All I know is that the lady in the SUV was pissed!

2) My husband was driving our SUV with me in the passenger seat. There was a Lexus SUV driving in the lane to our right. We came to a curve in the road that went right. We turned right with the road. The Lexus did not. Had our mirrors been in line with each other, they definitely would have more than touched. How else was he going to merge into our lane? Using a turn signal and waiting your turn is for the poor folk. The entitled Lexus drivers own the road and do what they want. It makes more sense to make traffic stop so they can get where they need to go.

3) I was biking down the one way street (going the right way) by our house. To set the scene, the street is one way with parking on both sides and enough room for a car and a half to still drive down the middle. So there is plenty of room for a car and a bike to ride side by side down the street. Now, it is also the middle of the day, so the right side of the road, the side that I am on which has parking meters is mostly empty because no one likes to feed the meters. So I am riding down the street when a car drives up behind me and abruptly slows down to the same speed I am biking. I thought it odd at first, but then figured they were trying to avoid a pothole or a pedestrian or something. But then the odd behavior continued down the road. As if that wasn't bad enough, the vehicle then pulls up next to me and slowly starts moving over towards me. The closer it gets, the further I move over into the lane where cars normally park. As the shenanigans continue, I am slowly running out of road to my right and my front as we are coming up to a huge Ford pickup parked at a meter. The car quickly zips back into the road to avoid hitting the truck itself, and I try to attempt this maneuver as well. However, right as I'm about to clear the truck, the car that has been inches away from hitting me this whole time comes to an abrupt stop in front of me, leaving me no choice but to slam on the brakes myself. With my face inches away from the car, I notice that it was a Lexus. Surprised? I'm not.

Now, I'm sure that most of you are really great people off of the road, but for the rest of you, I have this to say. Yes, you own an expensive car. No, I do not. In fact, I personally do not own a car at all, meaning I usually walk to work and school. So as you are sitting there in your Lexus at a stop sign, waiting for me, the pedestrian (because I can't even afford a car), to cross (because I do have the right of way), tell me, do you feel entitled, punk? Well, do ya?

Sincerely,

Last Laugh on Lexus